The Worst Of The Past: 9 Vintage Candies No One Misses & 8 That Should Never Return
Remember those old-fashioned candies from grandma’s candy dish? Not all sweet treats from yesteryear deserve our nostalgia. Some vintage candies were so awful they’ve been rightfully forgotten by time.
Others still haunt the memories of anyone unlucky enough to try them.
1. Circus Peanuts
Banana-flavored foam shaped like peanuts? Who thought this was a good idea?
These orange abominations have the texture of stale marshmallows and a taste that barely resembles any fruit found in nature. Invented in the 1800s, they somehow survive today despite almost universal hatred.
2. Necco Wafers
Eating Necco Wafers feels like consuming flavored chalk. These thin, brittle discs come in pastel colors with flavors ranging from clove to licorice – none particularly pleasant.
Dating back to the Civil War, soldiers carried these because they never spoiled.
3. Bit-O-Honey
Dental work’s best friend! Bit-O-Honey stuck to teeth with supernatural strength. The honey-flavored taffy contained bits of almond that provided zero texture improvement.
A single piece could keep you chewing for hours – not from enjoyment but from inability to break it down. .
4. Sen-Sen
Marketed as breath fresheners, Sen-Sen tasted like someone mixed licorice with perfume. These tiny black squares left your mouth feeling like you’d licked an ashtray doused in cologne.
Popular in the early 1900s, they were meant to mask tobacco breath.
5. Horehound Drops
Imagine cough medicine crystallized into candy form. That’s horehound drops for you! These brown lozenges derived from the horehound herb deliver a bitter, medicinal flavor that lingers stubbornly.
Victorian-era folks believed they cured colds. Modern taste buds recognize them as punishment disguised as candy.
6. Candy Cigarettes
Nothing says “childhood fun” like pretending to smoke! These chalky white sticks with red tips let kids practice for the real thing.
The flavor? Sweetened chalk with hints of sadness. Marketing cigarettes to children seems wildly inappropriate today.
7. Black Jack Gum
Chewing Black Jack gum was like masticating licorice-flavored rubber. This black chicle gum temporarily turned your tongue and teeth an alarming shade of black.
Created in 1884, it was America’s first flavored gum. Parents nationwide rejoiced when kids stopped asking for this bizarre treat.
8. Chick-O-Stick
Resembling a deep-fried twig, Chick-O-Stick combined peanut butter and coconut into a crumbly, sticky mess. The orange-yellow candy shattered everywhere, leaving evidence of your poor snack choices.
Your fingers would remain coated in sticky orange residue long after eating.
9. Licorice Allsorts
A box of licorice allsorts contained bizarre layered creations in alarming colors. Blue, pink, and yellow pastel layers sandwiched between black licorice created an unsettling rainbow of regret.
The texture ranged from gummy to sandy. British in origin, these candy oddities somehow crossed the Atlantic.
10. Satellite Wafers
Flying saucer-shaped wafers filled with candy beads created a strange textural experience. Biting into the styrofoam-like shell released hundreds of tiny, flavorless balls that scattered everywhere.
The wafer itself tasted like communion wafers left in a damp basement. Popular in the space-crazed 1960s, these alien treats rightfully disappeared from most candy aisles. Good riddance!
11. Chicken Dinner Candy Bar
No actual chicken was harmed in the making of this candy! Despite its savory name, Chicken Dinner was a nut roll covered in chocolate. The bizarre branding confused generations of children.
Created during the Depression, the name suggested nutritional value it didn’t possess. The flavor wasn’t terrible!
12. Violets Candy
Eating Violets was like sucking on perfumed soap. These tiny purple tablets tasted exactly like their floral namesake – not in a good way.
Your mouth would feel like you’d licked a scented candle. Popular in the Victorian era when floral flavors were trendy. Grandmothers kept them in purses alongside handkerchiefs.
13. Thrills Gum
Thrills gum proudly proclaimed its flavor as “It tastes like soap!” – possibly the worst marketing slogan ever. The purple gum delivered on this promise with a strong rosewater and lavender flavor.
Canadian in origin, Thrills somehow maintained production despite tasting exactly like punishment for cursing.
14. Bonomo Turkish Taffy
Bonomo required a specific ritual – freeze it, smack it, then eat the shards. This vanilla, chocolate, or fruit-flavored bar wasn’t actually taffy but a nougat-like substance that stuck tenaciously to teeth.
Popular from the 1940s-1980s, it required commitment and dental risk. The flavor wasn’t worth the effort.
15. Beemans Gum
Flavored with digestive aid pepsin, Beemans Gum tasted medicinal with hints of wintergreen. Popular in the early 1900s, it was marketed as aiding digestion while freshening breath.
The flavor lasted approximately 45 seconds before transforming into flavorless rubber. The medicinal taste made you question whether candy should ever attempt to be healthy.
16. Squirrel Nut Zippers
These peanut caramel chews came individually wrapped in twisting paper. The name suggested something exciting; the reality was a tooth-threatening brick of bland caramel.
Named after a prohibition-era cocktail, they required serious jaw strength. The reward for this effort? A mediocre caramel with hints of peanut butter.
17. Peanut Butter Kisses
Not to be confused with Hershey’s product, these were those orange and black wrapped molasses nightmares that appeared every Halloween. The taffy-like consistency contained barely detectable peanut butter swirled with bitter molasses.
They stuck to the wrapper, your teeth, and probably your soul. Most ended up thrown away or hidden at the bottom of candy bowls.
