Summer’s here and Costco’s shelves are packed with new BBQ options that promise backyard bliss. But not all that glitters on the grill is gold!
While some items deserve a spot in your shopping cart, others should stay firmly on the warehouse shelf. Let’s separate the must-avoids from the absolute run-for-your-life options before your next cookout.
1. Kirkland Signature Frozen Burger Patties With ‘Special Seasoning’
Mystery meat alert! These patties claim to contain a ‘special seasoning blend,’ but your taste buds will detect nothing but salt and disappointment.
The texture resembles cardboard that’s been left in the rain. Save yourself from serving hockey pucks at your cookout and opt for fresh ground beef instead.
2. Mega-Size BBQ Sauce Variety Pack
Quantity doesn’t equal quality with this overwhelming six-pack of mediocre sauces. Each bottle contains enough high-fructose corn syrup to sweeten a swimming pool.
Unless you’re planning to feed the entire neighborhood for multiple summers, these massive bottles will languish in your fridge until they eventually grow science experiments.
3. Pre-Marinated ‘Teriyaki’ Chicken Skewers
Soggy chicken chunks swimming in brown liquid that bears little resemblance to actual teriyaki sauce. The meat has absorbed so much sodium, it’s practically cured!
Once grilled, these skewers transform into chewy, overly sweet disappointments. Your guests will politely nibble one piece before discreetly searching for something else.
4. Plant-Based ‘Ultimate’ BBQ Burger
Revolutionary plant protein? More like revolutionary disappointment! These patties fall apart faster than celebrity marriages.
The texture resembles wet newspaper, while the flavor profile can only be described as ‘aggressively bland with notes of cardboard.’ Even dedicated vegans deserve better options for their summer cookouts.
5. Jumbo Seasoned Corn On The Cob
Corn should taste like summer sunshine, not like it was dunked in a salt mine! These pre-seasoned cobs come coated in a mysterious yellow powder that stains everything it touches.
The artificial butter flavor lingers uncomfortably long, leaving guests wondering if they’ve eaten food or scented candles. Fresh corn requires minimal effort—skip this over-processed version.
6. Mega Pack Of ‘Gourmet’ Frozen Hot Dogs
Marketing genius repackaged basic hot dogs with fancy labels and doubled the price. Cut one open and you’ll find mysterious speckles that definitely weren’t mentioned on the ingredient list.
The texture? Somewhere between rubber and foam insulation. Your family deserves better than these imposters masquerading as premium franks.
7. Barbecue Pulled Pork Ready Meals
Gray meat swimming in red sauce that’s sweeter than dessert. The consistency resembles something that’s been sitting in a slow cooker for three days too long.
One bite delivers a sugar rush that would make candy jealous. The meat itself? So processed it barely qualifies as pork anymore. Make your own pulled pork—your taste buds will thank you.
8. ‘Artisanal’ BBQ Rub Collection
Six nearly identical spice blends with fancy names like ‘Smokehouse Sunset’ and ‘Pitmaster’s Secret.’ Open the jars and you’ll discover they all smell suspiciously similar.
The primary ingredient across all varieties? Salt—followed closely by more salt. Save your money and mix your own rubs with spices you already have in your pantry.
9. Ready-To-Grill Vegetable Skewers
Convenience costs flavor with these sad, pre-cut veggie skewers. The vegetables were apparently cut weeks ago, judging by their wilted appearance and slimy edges.
The marinade tastes suspiciously like watered-down Italian dressing that’s gone slightly off. Chopping fresh vegetables takes minutes but delivers infinitely better results.
10. Frozen ‘Steakhouse Quality’ Ribeyes
Steakhouse quality? Only if the steakhouse specializes in disappointment! These thin, oddly-shaped cuts bear little resemblance to actual ribeyes.
The meat has been enhanced with a solution that gives it a spongy texture and artificial flavor. Real steakhouses would file lawsuits if they saw these imposters using their good name.
11. ‘Flame-Seared’ Seafood Medley
RUN AWAY! This seafood collection smells fishy before you even open the package—and not in the good way. The shrimp have a concerning blue tint, while the scallops resemble tiny rubber erasers.
The ‘flame-seared’ description is creative fiction, as nothing has been near actual flames. Food poisoning isn’t on anyone’s summer bucket list!
12. ‘Authentic’ BBQ Pork Ribs With Special Sauce
The only ‘authentic’ thing here is the authentic risk of ruining your cookout! These pre-cooked ribs have a strange chemical aftertaste that no amount of sauce can hide.
The meat practically slides off the bone—not because it’s tender, but because it’s been processed beyond recognition. Your guests will be making emergency pizza orders within minutes.
13. ‘Gourmet’ Bacon-Wrapped Everything
Bacon makes everything better—except these nightmarish creations! Questionable meat chunks wrapped in paper-thin bacon that dissolves into a greasy puddle when cooked.
The bacon-to-filling ratio is all wrong, and mysterious white crystals form when heated. Even dedicated bacon enthusiasts will pass on these science experiments disguised as appetizers.
14. Mega Party Pack Cocktail Wieners
Nothing says ‘I’ve given up on this party’ like serving these suspicious little tubes of mystery meat. The ingredient list reads like a chemistry experiment gone wrong.
Once heated, they release an oil slick that could threaten local wildlife. The texture? Somewhere between rubber and foam packing material. Your guests deserve food, not science experiments.
15. ‘Premium’ Frozen Burger Bar Kit
Marketing geniuses assembled this monstrosity containing every subpar burger ingredient in one convenient box. The patties have more fillers than meat, while the buns develop the texture of wet cardboard within minutes.
The pre-sliced cheese product doesn’t actually melt—it just gets sweaty. Save yourself from backyard embarrassment and avoid this kit at all costs!