Philly cheesesteaks are legendary sandwiches that inspire fierce loyalty and heated debates.
I recently embarked on a mouth-watering mission to find the absolute best cheesesteak in town, sampling a whopping 17 different versions.
While many fell short of expectations, four exceptional sandwiches rose above the rest with their perfect combination of thinly sliced beef, melty cheese, and fresh rolls.
1. Soggy Bread Disaster
Yikes! The roll on this cheesesteak turned into a soggy mess within seconds of being served. Moisture from the overcooked meat created a bread catastrophe that no amount of napkins could fix.
Though the cheese was adequately melted, everything else fell apart in my hands. Ever tried eating soup with a fork? This experience was equally frustrating!
2. Meat Mountain Madness
Quantity doesn’t equal quality! This place stuffed their sandwich with so much meat that it became impossible to eat without surgical precision. The beef-to-bread ratio was completely out of whack.
What if I told you more isn’t always better? The overwhelming amount of tough, flavorless meat made each bite a chore rather than a pleasure. Share your worst ‘too much of a good thing’ food experiences below!
3. The Cheese Desert
How can you call it a cheesesteak when you need a magnifying glass to find the cheese? This stingy establishment apparently believes cheese is made of gold based on how little they used.
The microscopic amount barely covered a quarter of the sandwich! If you’ve ever been cheese-ghosted like this, drop a comment with your story of cheese disappointment. Let’s start a support group for the cheese-deprived!
4. Gristle Galore
Chomp! What was that? Oh, just another piece of tough, inedible gristle hiding in my supposedly premium cheesesteak. Every bite became a game of Russian roulette – will it be tender meat or chewy cartilage?
The cook clearly skipped the crucial step of properly trimming the beef. Though the seasoning was decent, constantly removing bits from your mouth ruins any dining experience. Has a chewy surprise ever ruined your meal?
5. Seasoning Shortage Syndrome
Bland alert! This cheesesteak tasted like it had never even been introduced to salt and pepper, let alone any other seasoning. The meat might as well have been boiled in plain water.
Where was the flavor? The savory experience? Hence my disappointment when biting into what looked promising but delivered nothing but sadness. Don’t be shy to ask for salt when you encounter such flavor crimes!
6. The Onion Avalanche
Holy tears! While cutting onions, this sandwich maker must have been processing some intense feelings. My eyes watered just looking at the mountain of raw onions dominating this cheesesteak.
If dragon breath is your goal, this sandwich delivers! However, the overwhelming onion flavor brutally murdered any chance of tasting the beef or cheese. Would you brave the onion avalanche, or are you team ‘just a sprinkle’?
7. Roll From The Stone Age
That wasn’t the sound of crispy bread – it was the rock-hard roll that could have doubled as a weapon in medieval times. This establishment apparently missed the memo that bread should be fresh.
Though the filling was acceptable, the stale roll scraped the roof of my mouth with every bite. When was the last time you encountered food that fought back? Tag a friend who’s suffered through stale bread trauma!
8. Grease Tsunami
Swimming in oil! This cheesesteak required at least seven napkins and still left my hands looking like I’d just changed a car’s engine. The paper wrapper had turned translucent from absorbed grease.
Sure, a good cheesesteak should have some juiciness, but this was ridiculous! My arteries clogged just looking at the puddle forming underneath. What’s the greasiest food you’ve ever encountered? Can anything top this oil slick disguised as lunch?
9. Microscopic Portion Mockery
Hungry? Too bad! What they offered here was a cheesesteak for ants, if you will. The tiny portion looked lost on the plate and disappeared in three bites.
At $14, this miniature mockery of a sandwich was highway robbery! Though the flavors were decent, the size-to-price ratio was criminal. Ever been served a portion so small you had to double-check if you’d actually received your full order?
10. The Mystery Meat Mishap
What AM I eating? This question haunted me throughout consuming this suspicious cheesesteak. The gray-brown meat had a texture unlike any beef I’ve encountered – springy, yet somehow mushy.
Could it be some processed meat product? A science experiment gone wrong? However it was created, authenticity was clearly not on the menu. Share your worst ‘what is this meat?’ horror stories in the comments!
11. Cheese Identity Crisis
Whiz? Provolone? American? This confused establishment couldn’t decide, so they used a strange processed cheese substance that resembled plastic more than dairy. The texture was all wrong – somehow both gritty and slick.
Though cheese variation is acceptable in the cheesesteak world, this unidentifiable orange goo crossed a line! It refused to melt properly and tasted vaguely chemical. Has a cheese imposter ever ruined your meal?
12. Temperature Tantrum
Lukewarm disappointment! Nothing kills appetite faster than a room-temperature cheesesteak that should be hot and fresh. This sandwich arrived barely warm, with congealed cheese and cooling meat.
Did it sit under a heat lamp for an hour? Was it made yesterday? The tepid temperature suggested the kitchen didn’t care enough to serve it properly. Got a cold food horror story? Drop it below and let’s commiserate!
13. Veggie Overload Violation
Green alert! It seems that this establishment believed they were preparing a salad rather than a cheesesteak. Buried under a garden of bell peppers, mushrooms, and other unauthorized vegetables, the beef and cheese became supporting characters in their own show.
While veggie additions can be nice, this botanical garden between bread was excessive! The moisture from all those vegetables created a soggy situation no sandwich deserves. Are you team veggie or team purist?
14. WINNER #1: The Perfect Balance
After many disappointments, this cheesesteak achieved perfection through balance. Thinly sliced ribeye, perfectly caramelized onions, and just the right amount of melty cheese embraced each other in harmony.
The fresh roll had the ideal texture – slightly crisp outside, soft inside. Nothing was competing for attention; every element played its part magnificently. Have you found your perfect cheesesteak yet? This might be worth crossing town for!
15. WINNER #2: Old School Champion
Simplicity reigns supreme! Tradition is there for a reason, as demonstrated by this decades-old establishment. Their no-frills cheesesteak features hand-sliced ribeye chopped on a well-seasoned flat-top and authentic Cheez Whiz applied with expert precision.
The shop’s weathered appearance belies the culinary masterpiece they create. Each bite transports you to Philadelphia even if you’re miles away. When was the last time a simple food made you close your eyes in bliss?
16. WINNER #3: The Cheese Master
Cheese lovers, rejoice! This magnificent creation features not one but three perfectly melted cheeses – provolone, American, and a house-made cheese sauce that should be, illegal it’s so good.
Miraculously, the triple-cheese approach doesn’t overwhelm the perfectly seasoned meat. Instead, it creates a harmony of flavors and textures that dance across your taste buds. Ready to debate which cheese belongs on a cheesesteak? Fight it out in the comments!
17. WINNER #4: The Innovative Twist
Tradition meets innovation! With the help of a mild garlic aioli spread, homemade pickled spicy peppers, and a little fancier bread, this daring restaurant attempts to reinvent the classic cheesesteak.
Purists might scoff, but the flavors are undeniably magnificent. The chef clearly respects the original while adding thoughtful improvements. Would you try a gourmet twist on a classic, or do you prefer strictly traditional versions?