Fast food cravings hit us all, and Arby’s famous roast beef has satisfied hungry customers for decades. But not everything on their menu deserves your hard-earned cash or precious daily calories.
Whether you’re watching your waistline, your wallet, or just want the best bang for your buck, some Arby’s offerings simply don’t make the cut. Here’s my brutally honest rundown of nine Arby’s menu items that should remain behind the counter.
1. Half Pound Beef ‘n Cheddar
Holy sodium bomb! This monster sandwich packs a whopping 1,310 calories and 3,370mg of sodium – that’s more salt than you should consume in an entire day, all wrapped in a single shiny foil package.
The cheese sauce resembles something from a science experiment more than actual dairy, coating your mouth with an artificial film that lingers uncomfortably. And let’s be honest about that onion roll – it’s basically a sponge for absorbing grease.
2. Loaded Chicken Bacon Ranch Sandwich
Bacon makes everything better – except your arteries after consuming this 810-calorie monstrosity. The name sounds like a protein-packed dream, but the reality is a sodium nightmare clocking in at 2,420mg – over 100% of your daily recommended intake!
What they don’t advertise is how the ranch dressing turns the whole thing into a soggy mess within minutes. The chicken often arrives dry and overcooked, desperately hiding under that creamy ranch blanket.
3. Mozzarella Sticks
Expectation: Gooey cheese-filled delights with a crispy golden exterior. Reality: Lukewarm, rubbery cheese tubes that somehow manage to be both oily AND dry simultaneously. These sad sticks rarely achieve that Instagram-worthy cheese pull you’re hoping for.
Six sticks deliver a surprising 650 calories and 2,530mg sodium – nearly an entire day’s worth of salt in what’s supposed to be a side item! The marinara dipping sauce tastes suspiciously like sweetened ketchup with Italian seasoning thrown in as an afterthought.
4. Meat Mountain Sandwich
Carnivores beware – this secret menu monstrosity stacks every meat Arby’s offers into one towering, impossible-to-eat sandwich. We’re talking chicken tenders, roast turkey, ham, corned beef, brisket, Angus steak, roast beef, AND bacon. Protein overload? Absolutely.
At roughly 1,275 calories and an astronomical sodium level, this meat skyscraper isn’t just a challenge to your jaw – it’s a direct assault on your cardiovascular system. The flavors compete rather than complement, creating a confusing taste experience where nothing shines.
5. Large Jamocha Shake
Sugar rush alert! This coffee-flavored milkshake packs a jaw-dropping 820 calories and 112 grams of sugar – that’s equivalent to eating 28 sugar cubes in one sitting! Your pancreas is already sending distress signals just thinking about it.
The artificial coffee flavor bears little resemblance to actual java, instead delivering a strange chemical aftertaste that lingers uncomfortably. What begins as a creamy treat quickly becomes overwhelming halfway through, leaving you with dairy regret and a sugar headache.
6. Curly Fries (Large)
Crispy, seasoned potato spirals – what could possibly be wrong with that? Plenty, starting with the shocking 650 calories and 1,480mg sodium in a single large order. Those innocent-looking curls are actually oil sponges, absorbing far more fryer grease than traditional straight-cut fries.
The seasoning, while tasty, contains a laundry list of artificial ingredients and enough sodium to make your fingers swell. And let’s be real – the bottom third of the container always arrives as sad, soggy, under-seasoned disappointments.
7. Buffalo Chicken Slider
Size matters, and this tiny disappointment proves bigger isn’t always better. For something called a “slider,” this mini sandwich carries a not-so-mini 380 calories and 1,410mg sodium – nutritional numbers completely out of proportion to its diminutive size.
The buffalo sauce consistently misses the mark – neither spicy enough for heat seekers nor mild enough for sensitive palates. It exists in a bland middle ground while somehow still managing to overwhelm the dry chicken patty hiding inside.
8. Chicken Tenders
Behold the most aggressively average chicken tenders in fast food! These bland, often overcooked strips somehow manage to be both too greasy and too dry simultaneously – a culinary paradox wrapped in a forgettable breading.
Three pieces deliver 380 calories, which isn’t terrible until you factor in the dipping sauces. Add just one container of their Honey Mustard and you’ve tacked on another 130 empty calories. The breading frequently slides off in one disappointing sheet, leaving naked chicken behind.
9. Gyro
Greek tragedy on a plate! Anyone who’s enjoyed authentic gyros will weep at Arby’s sad interpretation. The meat – a processed mystery blend trying desperately to mimic traditional gyro meat – has a texture that’s simultaneously rubbery and crumbly.
The pita often arrives either uncomfortably chewy or dried out at the edges. Tzatziki sauce? More like watery cucumber mayo that lacks the tangy yogurt punch of the real thing. At 710 calories and 1,360mg sodium, it’s not even a healthier alternative to their sandwiches.