Grilling can turn a good piece of fish into something spectacular—but not all fish are cut out for life over an open flame. Some fall apart the second they hit the grates, while others turn rubbery or dry before you even flip them.
Choosing the wrong fish can turn your backyard cookout into a frustrating mess. These are the types you’ll want to skip if you’re aiming for smoky, tender, perfectly grilled seafood.
1. Catfish
Sure, catfish is a superstar in the Southern kitchen, but throw it on a grill, and it turns into a slippery mess. Its slimy skin seems to ooze right through the grates. Who needs fish that’s as elusive as the last cookie in the jar?
One flip, and you’re left juggling to keep it together. It’s like trying to grill a well-lubricated eel. Best leave the catfish to a batter bath and bubbling oil instead. Grilling it is just asking for a fishy fiasco.
2. Tilapia
Tilapia, the dependable darling of aquaculture, might let you down when it comes to grilling. It has an unfortunate tendency to disintegrate upon contact with the heat. A fish that breaks apart like a crumbling sandcastle is no friend to the grill.
With a texture that’s more fragile than your grandma’s prized china, tilapia doesn’t hold up to the rugged demands of grilling. You might as well try balancing jello on a toothpick.
3. Sole
With its delicate flesh, sole is like the dainty ballerina of the fish world. But try to grill it, and it becomes a prima donna. It can’t withstand the pressure, crumbling at the first sign of heat.
You’d have better luck grilling tissue paper. Its thin, fragile nature doesn’t allow it to withstand the grilling process, leaving you with more fish on the grill than on your plate.
4. Haddock
Haddock may boast a rich maritime history, but it’s truly a villain on the grill. Its flesh is as flaky as a scandalous tabloid, sticking to the grill like a vengeful ghost.
When you try to flip it, you’ll think you’re in a horror movie – it falls apart with a gruesome flair. Leave grilling for those fish with firmer backbones. Haddock’s charm lies elsewhere, certainly not with open flames and grill marks.
5. Halibut
The heavyweight champion of the sea, turns into a dry, rubbery tragedy when grilled. Its thick flesh seems like it would stand up to the heat, but it overcooks faster than you can say “pass the lemon.”
Grilling halibut is akin to drying out a sponge – it loses its succulent charm and becomes a chewy ordeal. Why risk a rubbery fate when there are so many better-suited fish for the grill?
6. Cod
Cod might be the darling of fish and chips, but on the grill, it turns into a flaky fiasco. Its flesh has a puzzling tendency to come apart like it’s made of delicate lace.
Trying to keep cod together on a grill is like herding cats – impossible and frustrating. The grill is too harsh a mistress for its gentle disposition, turning a meal into a mess.
7. Flounder
That charming flatfish, is a terrible grill companion. Its thin, flimsy fillets are as grill-friendly as tissue paper in a bonfire.
The grill’s high heat turns flounder into a dried-up leaf, robbing it of its gentle flavor and turning its edges crispy. Best to leave this fish to gentler methods like steaming or baking.
8. Orange Roughy
Orange Roughy might sound exotic, but it’s a grilling nightmare waiting to happen. Its mild taste and firm texture are at odds with the grill, turning into a dry, tasteless affair.
Imagine trying to grill a piece of cardboard – that’s the roughy experience. This fish lives a long life in the ocean, but on the grill, it meets a quick, unceremonious end.
9. Pollock
Staple in many seafood dishes, pollock is a wobbly disappointment when grilled. Its flesh refuses to cooperate, crumbling like a house of cards at the slightest touch.
Grilling pollock is a game of chance you’re sure to lose, as it falls apart faster than a poorly-built sandcastle. It doesn’t hold its own on the grill, leaving you with a fragmented feast.
10. Mahi Mahi
Though Mahi Mahi has an exotic name, it often promises much but delivers little on the grill. It has a curious knack for drying out faster than a summer puddle under the sun.
Those once-juicy steaks become dry as cardboard, losing all their sweet, mild flavor. It’s a tragic waste of such a vibrant fish, best left for methods that retain its moisture.
11. Turbot
Known for its place in fine dining, turbot turns into a sticky challenge on the grill. Its thin fillets cling to the grates like an over-attached ex who just won’t let go.
The grill is merciless, turning this culinary gem into a sticky, unmanageable mess. Better to treat turbot with the respect it deserves, away from the grill’s harsh embrace.
12. Swordfish
The noble gladiator of the sea, faces defeat on the grill. Despite its firm, meaty texture, it succumbs to the heat, overcooking like a novice chef’s first attempt at a soufflé.
What should be a juicy delight becomes a leathery punishment for trusting the grill. If you insist on grilling, tread carefully. Swordfish requires a gentle hand and a watchful eye.
13. Trout
Trout, often found in serene mountain streams, is not quite at home on a fiery grill. Its tender, moist flesh turns into a flake-fest, sticking to the grates like a stubborn barnacle.
Grilling trout is like trying to hug a cloud – a wispy disappointment. It’s a task that ends with more fish left on the grill than on your plate.
14. Snapper
With its vibrant red scales, snapper catches the eye but catches fire on the grill. Its skin burns quicker than a marshmallow over a campfire, leaving a charred mess.
Grilling snapper is an exercise in futility, as the heat turns it into a dried-out shell of its former glory. It’s a task best avoided unless you fancy eating grilled despair.
15. Porgy
Porgy might be a popular catch, but on the grill, it’s a catch you’d rather release. Its uneven size leads to inconsistent cooking, with burnt edges and raw centers.
It’s like trying to grill a puzzle piece – frustrating and fruitless. Porgy’s delicate flavor deserves a more considerate preparation.